Next Question with the Ronald

You didn't think I'd forgotten about the final NQ of the season, did you?

Even though some of you select-GM's (I am being kind when still prefacing with 'select') have forgotten about this prestigious League, Sir Fucking Randy has not, and will not forget to wrap up his shit (and I'm not just talking contraceptives here). So, to wrap up this year's NQ, I give you my sit down conversation with Burgundy, a.k.a. "the Ronald", as he is now often referred to.

"Why's that?" asked Safari.

Why, because anyone who is able to achieve something so unbelievable (i.e. coming from behind to take over the League lead) deserves to have his named prefaced with 'the'. Ever refer to yourself in the third person? Feels pretty sweet doesn't it? Well, this is what Burgundy - er, the Ronald - deserves.

"Like how Trump refers to himself as 'the Donald'?" smirked Sitch.

Precisely.

"I AM THE DONALD!"

Hello, again, Burgs. Or, should I say, "the Ronald".

(Chuckles) Oh Commissioner, no need for formalities here. Just call me "Mr. Burgundy".

That sounds pretty formal, Mr. Burgundy.

Well, it might be, but I'm sitting on top now, so that pretty much means I get to call the shots, right? This is a democracy, after all.

Excuse me?

What? What did I say? I was just going off of what PromptApp was telling me to say.

Do you know how a democracy works?

Sure I do! How else would you explain this?! (points to pin on his jacket lapel)

Are you a Trump supporter?

I - uh... wait what? Is that what this is?

Do you know how to read?

I... I thought I did. Hold on, let me refresh my PromptApp; this is getting ridiculous! Why aren't the developers of this app fixing all these issues?! It's hurting my publicity!

Let's drop the PromptApp for this NQ, shall we? I think we should be able to get by without it.

...?

Moving on. So, this NQ comes at a pretty festive time, don't you think? You're atop the rankings, the Wring is about to close, and it seems (knock on wood) that you will finish first for the second year in a row.

Yeah, it is a fine time indeed. I personally can't believe how things have turned around for my team. I really thought I had gone flaccid with my Crosbone this year, but holy hell I stood my ground and Sid has been just a beautiful thing. He's been such a good anal-fuck in the ass of a certain lion.

That's grotesque.

That's the truth.

Feel the penetration...

... True. Did you think you would repeat as Champion?

Hey, Sitch repeated as Champion. He even says that he "almost" three-peated as Champion. But you know who stopped that? Me. Mr. Fucking Ronald Burgundy!

But did you think you would repeat?

I didn't want to jinx it, but hell yes. With a bulging Crosbone in my pants, the odds are always in my favour.

Aside from the Crosbone, how do you explain your success?

Ebbs and flow, bitches. Ebbs and flows.

Nice.

Seriously! I mean, the beginning of the season was so terrible for me; I paid my dues early and I stuck with my plan. I added help where I need it and continued. Listen, if I were to have gone all high-frequency trader-esque and dropped star players who were having a bad stretch, I would have canned Crosbone and Co. long ago for some other players. Would that have been smart? Fuck no.

I do have to give you credit for that.

Well, it's just common sense. I hate to give Sitch credit, but some of his early success in previous Leagues was sticking with proven performers and ignoring the cold-streaks. He held on to a lot of players who were sucking ass, and then they came around. Or, he'd pick up guys who were absolutely fucking cold when nobody wanted them. It's ebbs and flows, bitches!

Nice of you to share the spotlight. Now, how's life beyond hockey?

Can't complain, Commissioner. I mean sure, I wish I had a bit more living space (some greenery would be nice) but overall I'm anchored like an anchorman (HA!). I look good and feel good. I couldn't ask for anything more.

Any plans for the off-season?

Well, there will be another wedding this year (Tree Bone). Should be a gay old time. I'm also trying to get Sitch to exit his suburban state and come visit me in the big TO. But the success of that initiative is grim at best.

Speaking of wedding...

Next question.

Alright then. Auf Wiedersehen.

Cheers.