WK14 - Tuggies

When the name "Wring" popped into my head, I though of callused hands, unbearable tightness (no porno) and torture. I think it's fitting, really, that "Wring" accurately reflects what's going on in this year's standings. Don't you?

WK14 has been wrapped up and the stats are awe inspiring. Yes, Safari is still holding ground (after being dethroned intra-week by Sitch), but we're close to a tipping point I think. It's like a full pot on a stove; eventually, the water will boil and overflow. It's going to be one hot mess.

"I like the sounds of that..." said Burgundy.

Here are the charts, courtesy of the stats machine:

This week's top bread winner was Burgundy, bringing home 159.80 fantasy points, followed by Sitch with 145.25 fantasy points. Burgundy can thank his G-unit; Bishop, Lundqvist and Schneider were three of the top five performing tendies this week. These three goalies tallied up 60+ fantasy points combined, almost half of Burgundy's weekly total.

Adds McGuire: It's phenomenal. Just phenomenal. Simply phenomenal.

Thanks Pierre.

As I stated earlier, Safari was broken intra-week by Sitch, but after this weekend's festivities Safari was able to maintain his weekly lead, though he leads Sitch by about a dozen fantasy points.

Adds McGuire: The big news, however, is that damn bodacious Burgundy has resurrected from the basement and climbed into fourth! Thanks to additional monster performances out of Kopitar (another 20+ point performer this week), Burgundy has been able to leapfrog past Dick Burns; could this be Burgundy's move to the top?

It's anyone's guess. Even in fourth place, Burgundy is only about 150 fantasy points behind; we've seen comebacks from a lot further, so anything is possible.

League-wide PPGP was up 0.02 for the week, which is quite significant if you ask me. Burgundy, who sported a dangerously low 3.01 PPGP last week, boosted his overall PPGP to 3.10; he hasn't been producing this well since WK9.

"Producing, or, reproducing I should say, has never been his forté," chimed in Dick.

Tree Bone still leads overall PPGP with a 3.46, followed by Sitch with 3.39. Dick is holding steady at 3.34, while Safari stands ground with his 3.33.

And finally, we have the rainbow. With the great performances by his 3 goalie tandem, Burgundy's goalie PPGP went from 3.80 last week to a respectable 4.24. That was arguably the biggest change this week.

Adds McGuire: I love the parity we're seeing here. Look at Safari; phenomenal player stats, abysmal goalie stats. Dick Burns, the exact opposite: phenomenal goalie stats, abysmal player stats. I wonder if the winner will be someone who wins because they were a one-trick pony, or because they were well-rounded all together. Oh, my shiny bald head can't comprehend the possibilities!

"Please God, (let this) be my year," said Safari via text.

As Commissioner, I shouldn't cheer more for one select-GM than the other, so diplomatically I wish that this year will be everybody's year. But, seeing as Safari has finished second so many times, I do wish that God be on his side this season. However, I have been informed that Tree Bone and Sitch were in contact this weekend, scheming trade possibilities to better their own teams and dethrone Safari at the same time.

"That is absolute bullshit," said Sitch. "We were doing nothing more than having an innocent dinner party."

"I concur," said Tree Bone. "It was completely social, comprised of a potluck dinner and games. Nothing more."

Nothing more, eh? That phrase in itself is suspicious, no?

"There was no hockey talk, I promise you that," said Sitch. "I mean, Tree Bone can't even tell the difference between Charlie Brown and Willy Wonka; how on Earth would I ever have a coherent conversation with a person like that?"

"FUCK YOU!" said Tree Bone.

Can you tell the difference?

Holy fuck - settle down you two. I don't know what happened over your social evening, but I'll need an explanation on this another time. For now, it sure as hell looks like we're in quite the tug-of-war. Every night is important, and changes in the standings are all but a guarantee. Get ready to be tugged left, right and centre friends, because it looks like we're going to be in for one rough finish. Hope your tuggie game is on point.

Nothin' wrong with a tuggie from Shania.

"I've had one from Shania," said Dick. "It was decent."

Wise words, Dick.