BREAKING: Mexican Authorities Charge Sitch

"We got him, Senor."

Two time Randy League Champion AznSitch (or "Sitch" for short) has been formally charged by Mexican authorities earlier this morning. Sitch, who had been vacationing in Mexico during the off-season, faces several charges and fines.

"Mr. Situation was on Mexican soil for a period of six days in September," said Policia Federal Chief Lopez. "During his time in Mexico, Mr. Situation stayed in an all-inclusive resort and caused significant property damage, as well as psychological damage to several senors and senoritas staying at the resort."

Authorities indicated that formal charges were delayed due to the need to interview all victims and assess the psychological damages caused by Sitch.

"He was just... so flexed," said one of the psychologically damaged victims, who chose to remain nameless. "We (the resort guests) just wanted to relax by the beach, have some drinks and enjoy our vacation, but this man.. this... SITUATION... he just kept crunching, screaming and asking us if we'd like to be in his fitness program."

"The comfort of our guests is our biggest priority," said Pablo Cruz, a representative of the resort. "While we do have several promotional events that are held throughout the year at our resort, commercial or otherwise, we ensure that events are run well and cater to our guests interests. Mr. Situation did not consult us on having a promotional event for his fitness program; he made no effort to ask permission or pay our standard promotional rental fees. He trespassed onto resort areas that are restricted and attempted to set up a promotional fitness campaign."

Victims said they were harassed, bombarded and pressured by Sitch's sales tactics. This included repeated flashing of Sitch's abdomen, handing out business cards with the word "Jelly" on them and forcing guests to fist pump to Enrique Iglesias music. It was even reported that Sitch broke into the resorts spa area and stole massage oils so he would be fully greased for his so called 'promotional' event.

Sitch's hero, baby... (kiss away the pain...)

Aside from breaking into the spa, Sitch also caused damage to several parts of the resort property, including shattering various windows due to the blasting of Enrique songs.

Sitch could not be reached for comment, though a spokesperson for Sitch's team informed the media that Sitch will not fight the charges.