Combine Results

We love Mac! We love Mac!

Once again, Mr. Fucking Randy is pleased to bring you the annual Combine Results ---

"--- Which mean nothing!" said Dick Burns.

OK there Dick, thank you for the input. Sure, projections based on the Combine are hypothetical, but may I show you something? Remember last year's Combine? Here was the prediction:

And here were the actual final rankings:

The evidence speaks for itself.

Now, let's get to this year's Combine, shall we?

"FUCK JEAH!" screeched Burgundy.

Here are the results, as measured by yours truly, with additional statistical support from Randy's (now world famous) stats machine. Note that players were slotted into positions based on best estimates, therefore potentially skewing the results, i.e. a player could play both C, RW but be slotted into just C. In addition, this year's analysis also incorporated hypothetical injury scenarios; it rewards players who have longevity, penalizes players with concussions ("FUCK!" said Burgundy) and, most importantly, rewards select-GM's who drafted additional roster players in anticipation of injuries to their starting line.

"Beautiful," said Safari.

[Position, followed by rank, followed by analysis.]

CENTRE

"Look at that FOCUS!" said Burgs.

1. Burgs

2. Safari, Dick Burns

4. Sitch, Tree Bone

FYI I hate ranking the centre position; there's always a boatload of great players and the difference between one through five is marginal. Nonetheless, with Crosby and Malkin at his disposal, Burgs gets a 'W' here.

"As I should," said Burgundy.

In at a close second is Safari and Dick. I personally believe that Seguin (owned by Safari) will top 100 NHL points this year and possibly lead the League, and Phat Phil Kessel will reap benefits from playing with an actual NHL team. Dick Burns, on the other hand, has solid centres in Backstrom (who will grab points off OV), Getzlaf and Pavelski.

Sitch and Tree Bone end up tied for fourth, though I put a HUGE asterisks here for Sitch. The Asian menace has some ridiculous talent (Stamkos, Toews, T. Johnson and Eichel), but I worry that Tampa will suffer a Stanley Cup Final hangover, reducing the productivity of Stamkos and T. Johnson. Additionally, Toews is arguably the best centre in the League, but his defensive skills don't have a great reflection on fantasy points. Eichel, though promising, is unproven.

LEFT WING

"Johnny Hockey knows where it's at!" says Sitch.

1. Sitch

2. Safari

3. Dick Burns

4. Burgs, Tree Bone

Sitch is loaded at left wing. I believe Benn can go toe-to-toe with Ovechkin (owned by Safari), and Sitch has an admirable support cast in Sharp, Kunitz and Gaudreau. This support cast is what propelled Sitch into #1 status. Everyone's freaking out that Kunitz won't score the way he used to with Kessel coming into Pittsburgh, but you know what? I have a feeling that he'll continue to be great, because the Crosbone makes everyone around him better. And, Kunitz has done so well over the years being Crosby's trigger man; why change it now?

"I love this analysis," said Sitch, with a mouthful of rice.

Thank you, Sitch. In addition, I believe Gaudreau will have another outstanding season.

RIGHT WING

Imagine that beard all over you,.

1. Tree Bone

2. Safari

3. Sitch

4. Dick Burns

5. Burgs

Tree Bone wins here, even though her leading man is under criminal investigation. Patrick Kane is insane, and Voracek will have another strong campaign this season. I also think MacKinnon was a steal at this draft; last year was such an honourable fuck-up for the Avalanche, so they are destined for a rebound year.

Burgs gets fucked in this category, though it should be noted that I slotted Malkin at centre, who could have easily been a right winger.

DEFENSE

I'ma destroy U.

1. Burgs

2. Sitch, Tree Bone

4. Dick Burns

5. Safari

Burgundy took arguably one of my favourite defensemen at this year's draft (Weber). To me, he's the ultimate defensemen; so good at defending, powerful, intimidating and big booming shot. He's balanced his roster with Kris Letang who should pile on points and I believe Ekblad will turn in a solid season now that he's more experienced.

Sitch and Tree Bone come in a very, very close second. Sitch was close to getting #1 status (see Karlsson, Keith), but was penalized as he only drafted four D, whereas everyone else selected five. Asian man is short on D - what else is new?

"LOW BLOW!" cried Sitch.

Tree Bone did pick up five defensemen, but her roster includes rock-star D-man Doughty, and his play unfortunately doesn't translate into elite fantasy points.

GOAL

Making ladies OGAZZZM in the upper bowl.

1. Burgs, Safari

3. Dick

4. Sitch

5. Tree Bone

"Oh yeah, look at those handsome eyes... Sigh..." said Burgundy.

Yes, the reign of King Henry being owned by Sitch is over. Lundqvist was snatched up by Burgundy with the 6th overall selection. Not to be out-done, Safari went out and selected Rinne. I handed both Burgundy and Safari #1 status; I technically think Safari has the better goalie roster, but I'm nervous about Tuukka Rask and the fate of Boston this year, though I could be proven very wrong.

Had Dick selected a third goalie, his ranking would have changed significantly. With Price and Quick as his goalies, there's no reason to panic, unless one (or both) get injured.

FINAL RANK

Burgs vs. Safari

1. Safari, Burgs

3. Sitch

4. Dick Burns, Tree Bone

According to my projections, it appears that we're going to have a tight race between silver-fox Safari and reigning champion Burgs. Safari has the most well-rounded roster, whereas Burgundy is extremely rich at centre and goal. Sitch may have an outside shot to be a contender (never count him out), while Dick and Tree round out the remaining ranks.

Courtesy of the stats machine.

Celebrate your fortunes, Safari and Burgs, because we know how accurate these projections end up being.

"Are you being sarcastic?" said Dick.

Only time will tell. Cordially,

Morpheus Randy