WK3 - A Liberating Experience

Like Trudeau, Dick Burns is LOVING life right now.

Well, I'm no political junky like some other mustachioed men out there ("Jeahhhh," said Burgs), but I'd be the worst Canadian journalist ever if I failed to acknowledge the absolute domination of the Liberals in the most recent election. I know, I know; my area of coverage is in Sports. Fantasy Sports, specifically. But, I dabble in on other topics here and there; in life, in business, in wonderment and in the sack, so why should I be limited? While the political stances for each select-GM inside the Wring is somewhat unknown (and irrelevant, might I add), I'm pretty sure that Dick Burns is feeling quite JUSTified presently.

"He (Dick) was, at one point, a Liberal card holder," said Sitch. "He even assisted in campaigning I believe."

Thank you for that tidbit, Sitch. However, I was referring to how Dick feeling justified because of his performance in the Wring, though I'm sure he's pleased about the Liberals taking over once again.

"Indeed," said Dick calmly, slapping his hand on his lap.

In the spirit of the election and Prime Minister Trudeau's victory, this week's stats report will be "Justin" themed, bullet-driven statistical reporting. So, everyone ready to get liberated?

HAPPY-FUCKING-CHRISTMAS-BIRTHDAY EVERYONE!

This winter, Canadians should be expecting this holiday card from JT.

Dick is on cloud Liberal, as things could not go any more right for his team. Dick continues to lead the ranks (three weeks consecutive now) and dominates in every aspect of his game. He's the only select-GM currently averaging over 4.00PPGP (he's averaging 4.31 for those keeping tabs) and has two key Montreal Canadiens working for him (Pacioretty and Price). It's a Christmas-fucking-miracle; Christmas might as well be your birthday too, eh Dick?

"Interesting fact: JT's birthday is Christmas Day," chimed in Dick.

"BETTER IS ALWAYS POSSIBLE!"

That statement could not be more true for Dick Burns. After years of under-performing in the Randy Leagues, this season has been liberating for Dick thus far. Leader in points, leader in PPGP, and just an overall green machine (via the rainbow statistics). Here's a look at this weeks visuals, courtesy of the stats machine.

Dick leads overall in points, but an interesting fact is that Tree Bone was actually this week's top bread earner, bringing in 160.01 fantasy points. Sitch was a distant second, who brought home 126.63 fantasy points.

After slumming it hard for the first few weeks, Sitch has finally risen above the 3.00PPGP mark, though he still comes in at a League-low of 3.33PPGP. The League average PPGP currently stands at 3.75, quite high compared to historical averages.

As mentioned earlier, Dick has been leading the League for three consecutive weeks now, with no signs of breaking down at all.

"He (Dick)... he's just not ready," said Burgundy, in a Harper-esque tone. "I'm not convinced."

Woah Burgs, you sure you want to be using he's just not ready in that manner? Are you sure you want to draw comparisons to Harper? That seems bad.

"Oh come now, Commissioner!" screeched Burgundy. "I'm no Harper! God damn it. I'm just a reporter, like you, trying to give the facts of the case! I'm not try to be bad... Speaking of bad, did I ever mention that I love movies and TV shows? One of my all time favourites is Breaking Bad. It's even available on some online streaming services if you've never seen it."

Oh. Dear. God. (For those who don't understand this reference, just watch this John Oliver segment.)

And wow... look at that rainbow. Green - DARK GREEN - all around for Dick Burns. 'Nuf said.

"I'm not satisfied until I win," said Dick Burns. "I can always be better. Better is always possible!"

A FUCKABLE LEADER

#PMILF

Say what? PMILF? WTF does that even mean, Commissioner Randy? Well apparently in the Twittersphere, the hashtag #PMILF (Prime Minister I'd Like to Fuck) caught fire after Trudeau's win. Entangled in these tweets were an insane amount of tweets from American women who, based purely on aesthetics, love the look of Canada's new PM and would love to warm up his Ottawa-chilled man meat. Seriously. I'm not making this shit up. Just look at some of these tweets. (My personal favourite: "How will the Canadians ever tackle climate change when their new prime minsiter is so hot? Yow!")

This is to no surprise, but Dick Burns draws parallels with our newly elected PM. Dick, also the current leader of the Wring, is 100% fuckable, and he's been showing east coast honies his dynamic, hot-bed ways for a few years now.

"I don't want to fuck him," said Tree Bone, coldly. "I want to fuck him over."

The heat is on. Play wisely now, gentlemen and lady. Cordially,

- Morpheus Randy