Next Question with African Lion Safari

The second installment of NQ will feature last year's bronze medallion, African Lion Safari. Technically speaking, this NQ should have featured Dick Burns (NQ subjects are usually published in the reverse order of where each select-GM placed last season), but Sir Dick has been MIA  - not surprising - so I haven't been able to sit down with him. Perhaps during the holiday season he'll show his dick and burns to me; for the time being, I'll have to settle for lion pubes.

Orgasmic.

Good evening, Mr. Safari.

(shifty eyes) And a dubious, or should I say "Dubai", hello to you too, Commissioner Randy.

Why so hesitant, Safari?

Sorry Commissioner. Force of habit this season. For the first time, I'm at the top of the rankings, and have held position for a few weeks. I'm getting antsy; I want to stay there and keep my fellow competitors at bay. This requires extreme due diligence and concentration, so I must be on point at all times. A byproduct of being in this state of mind is being cautious, skeptical and of course hesitant.

Classic Simpsons.

I see. Well, you've been doing a great job maintaining your lead, however big or small, in the Wring. I must commend you for that.

Thank you, Commissioner. It means a lot. I say this at every annual NQ, and I'll continue saying it: this League means everything to me. It's what I look forward to the most when I'm browsing the internet, and I cannot thank everyone enough for making this League what it is. It's tough being away from the home soil, and this League keeps my roots healthy with Canadian minerals. God damn I love this fucking League.

I love passionate select-GM's. So tell me, are you happy with your team?

I'm OK with it, for now. But I won't lie; keeping my team in check is more troublesome than keeping tabs on Dick Burns. There's so much unknown in both.

You finished tied for first in the Combine. Feeling pressured?

No, not at all. Because Combine results don't mean much, and you'd be the first to admit that. I think I did draft very well; snatching Seguin almost gave me an orgasm because I knew Sitch was contemplating between keeping him or Stamkos. A tough choice, and I probably would have kept Stamkos too, but Seguin seems to be working out better presently.

I see that you're continuously changing personnel on your roster. You lead the League with 21 roster moves.

I know. What can I say? I love making moves and analyzing future prospects. I'm like a high frequency day trader: I love the rush of making the transaction.

Buy! Wait... Sell! No... Buy!

What about trading with other select-GM's?

That's tougher, because you're always wondering if the other guy (or lady) is trying to screw you over. I mean, we are all friends and have good professional relationships, but it's still difficult. I've tried to hammer out a few trade ideas with some select-GM's, like Sitch, but they haven't gone through.

Because...?

Well, we're always in the middle of a negotiation and then he books it to the gym. Fucking gym rats.

You said it. So tell me, how's life in Dubai?

Pretty surreal. I'm really enjoying my work, which is great because you spend the majority of your waking hours at work. For those who are miserable at work, all I have to say is this: you only live once.

Wise words.

Thank you. Anyway, work is great; I'm in a challenging environment, but I'm excelling at it. Life in Dubai is fast-paced, super rushed and crowded; I love it.

Doesn't even look real, does it?

Anything you don't like?

Well, there are a few things. Space is limited, for one. I think people take space for granted. I mean, sometimes I converse with Sitch and he seems so jelly about where I live (and Burgs for that matter) but he doesn't realize that having space to live is such an underrated asset. Dubai is space limited, that's for sure. Also, it's an international city, but that doesn't mean you get international cuisine. I've had my taste at Dubai's take on Beaver Tails and poutine; Commissioner, you'd be disgusted with the latter. It's just not the same as the Great North. Suffice to say, I miss it dearly.

Anything else?

Of course. I miss my better half. This is the first time we've been in the same geographical region, but not living together. She still resides at the pyramids, whereas I'm situated in Dubai for work. Long distance is hard, and though we get by, it's still not the same as living together.

Sorry to hear that. But hey, one day you'll be at the top of the ivory tower, looking over all of Dubai as it banks you ridiculous coin. Your better half will be at your side and you'll both dance around like it's nobody's BEY-sness.

Damn straight.

#WeMadeIt

Thanks for your time, Safari.

Peace out!