WK6 - Figuring Out the Next Move

Randy's Stats Machine (I wish).

Congratulations to Safari, who has held top spot for the second consecutive week; it's a first for the seasoned select-GM. How does it feel?

"It feels like my light is touching everything," said a satisfied Safari.

Like I said previously, this is shaping up to be one of the tightest Fantasy Leagues we've ever seen. With that in mind, what the hell is each select-GM going to do to gain an upper edge? Break free from the pack? Lead by example (of excellence)? Commissioner Randy has the insights:

AFRICAN LION SAFARI

"I am exactly where I want to be. For too long I've been hiding in the tall grass, in the shadows, waiting to pounce at the right moment, only to be overtaken by the likes of Sitch and Burgs. Not this year. I shall emerge, cast a vengeance on those who shoved me to silver or worse. My PPGP is holding steady and a few of my top players are slightly underperforming. Once they wake up, it'll be mine. All fucking mine."

AZN SITCH

"Thank you, Commissioner, for allowing me to once again educate the fine readers on my patented, Oprah's-Favourite-Things-Certified, Bitch-It's-Sitch™ ---"

THAT'S IT, SITCH. YOU'RE DONE.

"Wait! Wait! Just hear me out! Bitch-It's-Sitch™ is legitimate!"

"Please! Please! I swear I'll behave! Just let me give a small shout out to the Program! It's given me so much and I just want to give back to the community! For just an easy monthly payment of $59.99, you too could have the benefits of ---"

Sitch, your demeanor is indecent. Take him away!

DICK BURNS

"I'll just continue doing what I do best. I'll ride my roster hard, just as the ladies do to me. I can't help that I'm constantly in demand by the females. It's the life I live, and I've had it since I was 13. Tall, smart, sophisticated, with a voice that makes a roomful of honies weak in the knees. Good day, gentlemen and lady, and good luck to you all in the Wring."

TREE BONE

"You know what? Some people disregard me. They think that I'm not paying attention. But I was raised by parents who told me that anything and everything is possible if you set your mind to it. Look at me now; I'm not in first, but I'm trumping PPGP. Papa Tree Bone guides me when I need it, but I'm ultimately calling the shots. Don't ever underestimate a woman's presence."

RON BURGUNDY

[SPOILER ALERT: If you haven't seen the Imitation Game and wish to see it, do not read the rest of this post.]

"You have no idea what I'm capable of. People think that Sitch is some sort of Fantasy God because he won the Randy League's twice. But who won last year? That's right - ME. I've been spying on all you little fuckers, keeping tabs and writing shit down. I know all your secrets, all your theories, and I'll use them all to my advantage and get rewarded. The title belt shall stay with me."

Wow... some strong words from all the select-GMs. Here are this week's stats, courtesy of the stats machine:

Can you say close or what?

"I can," said Dick Burns. "But I also like the word "closer". Because that's what I am. A closer."

Wise words, Dick.

Yup, he'll close the deal tonight.